so explain again why im purple
no
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
