For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize