My first STD was from a foam party
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
