his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
