A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
