I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He called his prostate his "boner button".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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