i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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