I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize