Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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