It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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