Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
