tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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