her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
