Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
whose ass print is on the piano?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
