Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
