do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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