please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
