ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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