Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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