She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
