the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize