your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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