While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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