oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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