Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
