My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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