This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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