So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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