and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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