Yo dont text me then not text me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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