I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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