Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so let's talk penis.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Someone came in the potted fern
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize