hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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