Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
