Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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