I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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