Yo dont text me then not text me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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