hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
