She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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