My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
