i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
