My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
