Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
