I wish life had little blips of pornography
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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