dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
