My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
