I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
