my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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