shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
