I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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