I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
