Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
