Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There was a lot of him and a little penis
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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