I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
