This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
