You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
