Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
