Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
