What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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