My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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