apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
