btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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