My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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