dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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