using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
