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• (949): View more from California

  Getting food. Want anything?

  (1-949): View more from California

  Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  what was she crying about?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I just want to hang out with her.

  (916): View more from California

  You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together

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• (323): View more from California

  Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  God works in mysterious ways.

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