I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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