I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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