Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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