It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
